We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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