we have officially lost it.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Damn victory sex feels great
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
