wakey wakey hands off snakey
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize