Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
