she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
