if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
