well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
