Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
