I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
