The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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