Umm I'm too high to move.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
