But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
