Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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