He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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