How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I need moral support for this bender
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
