Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
