so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
