It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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