i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
