there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
