Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
