We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
