Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
