is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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