Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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