I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
