He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
