remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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