Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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