The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
