no, he came in my armpit
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
