im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
