My liver just broke up with me...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
