Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
