I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
