He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
