This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
