btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
