She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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