My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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