I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And then my night got REAL pukey
The adults are the big ones right?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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