Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
