Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
