Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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