he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
