just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
