I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
