she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
