I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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