im six kinds of drunk right now
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
