the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
