you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
