you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
