i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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