We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
