I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So many bounce houses so little time
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
