DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
