Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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