I want to walk on stilts...naked
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
