found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
