Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
