need another drink. this is the easiest way
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
