a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
