i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
