I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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