He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
